Got nothing to do, cept think about stuff. My trees are all blooming and it's so fleeting that it moves me everytime I drive in or out of the drive which is a couple times a day only, all the more amazing as a result.
My mom is turning 80in a few weeks and today I bought her an emerald ring, her birthstone. She's always, her whole life, wanted an emerald. My dad bought her a fake one for her 40th birthday that I have and love. But I wanted her to have her one wish. It cost too much, my mind said. But my heart said, your mom is gonna be 80. If not now, when then does she get her emerald. Fuck money. I'll pick it off my flowering trees, or quit smoking or something...One finds a way when one has to.
I've been struggling as is obvious from this blog which I don't want to be a blah, blah, blah blog, but oh well.
Lots of life and death struggles, not the usual annoying kinds of struggle stuff. Lost love, people dying by the dozens, little dog gone, fractured fairy tales, little kids people don't care about and that makes me near crazy, spending most of my time alone with too much thinking time, long, grey winter....yeah you read about it, or not. So it goes..
I just keep gettin up and moving forward and try to notice the good stuff and not deny the sadness of the what's real but accepting it and not letting it beat me up too much. Sleep and riding are both good healers. I haven't gotten sick so maybe I'm doing somethin right dealing with "stuff."
I am in a kind of limbo at the moment. Not good for a driven personality type like mine. I like to be doing, not just being, especially when the whirlpool catches me and won't let me move downstream...
But I'm still above water...and that's the most important thing. And I can see the sky and the flowering trees...
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Happy birthday to your mom (early)! What a wonderful gift. I gave my gramma rubies when she turned 90. She never had real rubies before and it was such a treat to buy them for her.
ReplyDeleteLimbo pops in and out too for me and there was a time last year that I just didn't have it for this blog. But all focus was on the baby. That and the dull dreary winter weather. I as so down and out. I really enjoy your blog. In fact, it's rather inspired me a bit more to get my horse under saddle and get out there and ride!
Ride Wildstorm, ride. It's so good for the spirit. i am humbled that you enjoy reading my blog. I try not to just drivel all the while...
ReplyDeletebut sometimes I spill over...
Thanks for visiting. You encourage me too!