Well, seems funerals and weddings are the time for gathering with friends and family members. Cry, eat, drink, laugh some, share a lot of stories. The greyness continues. Have only seen the sun twice all winter. Once was yesterday and as soon as it came out, I went to the stable and rode my horse, Grace, for the first time since November. Deer running in herds. Never seen quite so many.
Lost my little dog of 12 and a half years last week. Very hard still. Keep looking round for her and no one to bring leftovers home to so I am eating more, or less. Run our last moments through my mind a lot inadvertently and then my eyes well with tears until I tell myself to stop. Sometimes I can. Sometimes not. Live alone. Quiet sort of echo here and lack of a cute little face and voice talking to me when I come home. Keep telling myself I'm not going to rescue another dog. Hard not to go right now and get one.
Been to four funerals in the last month.Three very close friends and one family friend. Don't think I want one now. Toss my ashes off the mountain. Say goodbye. Done.
Better yet, be with me now, in heart if not proximity.
Life is a blessing. I am glad I am not Haitian. What an unfathomable horror. As many lost as live in my whole city. the children, oh God, the children....who live...much less who died.
Happy, happy post. Oh yeah.
Certainly single again too. But that's ok. Less drama. Less hurt. Less to worry about. No more lies. Good. Next?
Moving forward now. Spring will come.
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Oddly enough, we tossed my mother's ashes off a mountain...
ReplyDelete...I'm way sorry about Abbey, too. I know I've said so elsewhere - but she was a sweet little dog, and I know what she meant to you.
As one who occassionally pasted through here I always enjoyed reading your posts as one who still had the wonderment of the great expanses and a sense of joy in your accounts. Now that your there and not here may that feeling of being a part of the scenery and slightly seperated from daily humanity be a cherished memory.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you.
Cowboy,
ReplyDeleteNot to despair. There are more adventures to come. The wilderness of the north of Michigan is expansive. Rode my horse across the state once and plan to do it again this year. And thinking about New Mexico to explore on horseback this spring too. I'm happiest when in the middle of nowhere with no particular place to go or be. Course sometimes life gets in the way while we're making plans and God laughs I reckon.
Please do stop by again sometime.