Puppies and summer storms

So, I finally got my puppy, Rodeo, an English Shepherd, named by 3 year old little girl, Adela Rose. She is the smartest dog I've ever owned and I've owned dogs since I left home at 16. They've all been great dogs, but this one is sooo bright....she's only been here 3 days and knows come, sit, stay, kennel up, more. And she has puppy breath and soft, soft fur and kisses.

I've also had the pleasure of teaching 3 little girls to ride in the last few weeks. They all can now steer and ride bareback on their own....at a trot. Their faces? Priceless. My joy, insurmountable. Never able to have my own children. Love children and animals most of all. The sheer essence of them is pure joy...and wide eyes.

It makes me so happy to be alive.

Tornadoes and storms have been ripping through the area. It's a crap shoot nearly every day. But so far, so good. Like storms if they don't turn to tornadoes. Afterall, who needs tornadoes???

Nothin else really matters..I've been getting things done around here and teaching my pup and just livin and loving. That's what matters.

Spillage

Deleted last posting. Simply spillage over the edges and too raw and private. Things are good. As good as it gets I think. Get my new pup, Rodeo tomorrow. English Shepherd. Looking forward to training. Lots of work but rewarding and dogs are great companions. Smoking less...near to quitting. Time will come.

Summertime. Wish I could garden but hand won't allow.

Fun with kids and horses and this and that.

I Like Living

So, went to Mayo Clinic and had a whole battery of tests done and they say I'm in EXCELLENT health exccept for smoking which will imminently and quickly lead to heart attack if I don't stop. No wiggle room, says the doc. So, I have on a patch and am quitting. I'm determined this time. I want to smoke but I don't want to die young, so there you go. Still, it's very annoying at the moment. Am sequestered until I get over the intial anger, frustration, denial, temptations, etc. Gack.

Otherwise, life is good. Mom and I have become The Bickersons. Staying with her in a hotel room for 4 days was well, a bit trying though we laughed about it at the end of the day. She has some major issues, which one does at 80. She's really pretty good but that's not her attitude nor perception of it. I just listen and take deep breaths. She gives me LOTS of advice...well intentioned but as if I was born a couple hours ago.

Went to go riding today and as soon as I got there it started pouring rain. 10 minutes after I got all the way back home, it stopped. Of course it did.

I'm irritable and am going to take a nap now.

It will pass.

Going to Arizona to meet with friends in the fall..to my favorite Apache Lake.

Something to look forward to.

Anybody out there??
Besides hackers?

Some summer fun..

I haven't been on in awhile. Somebody from China has been hacking in and posting flippin porn sites on my blog. Sorry, I have a REAL life and you should get one too. Stay outta my space....

Hot fun in the sum rtime. Been blue blazes here but flowers are in full bloom and birds and deer and bunnies are all havin their babies. New life everywhere and the cacophony of song and breezes playing through the leaves. Wake in the mornings to song and light.

Horses are happily swishing their tails and grazing and love riding out into the woods. I feel my body relax as I breathe and feel their muscles as they loosen. Then off to a canter with red tails and deer flying alongside down the fruit belt, speed increasing each time I make the kiss-kiss sound. I so adore the feeling of it.

Looking forward to going out in my horsey Hilton soon. Have to take my mother to Mayo Clinic first...hopefully all will turn out well there. I don't do doctors but while there will  have them do a thorough once over. Never done that. Guess I'm interested to see how my body is faring at 53. I feel grand. T'is why I don't do doctors. They tell you what's wrong. What you don't know I guess can hurt you but hasn't so far.

Meanwhile, I'll enjoy being happy and alive and off to ride.

Do you believe in MAGIC?

Nature teaches. Yesterday I was at a gathering to celebrate two friends' birthdays and the birth of a wee little girl who looks like a papoose and her mother shines as she looks at her. When I first met the little girl, Skylar, weeks old, she was sleeping on her side, tiny fist curled up to her face. I had her mother lean down next to her and took their picture. It was magic.

Later, I walked outside to get some air, and yeah, smoke, and I like going outside to smoke. It's a way to the quiet. As I sat there, my first sighting of a hummingbird occurred in the red petunia plant I had given the grandmother of this baby.

I announced this excitedly. Others looked at me like Ohhhh---kay. A hummingbird. Uh huh.

Well, I know it was a sign.

When the Skylar's grandmother first saw the infant be born she said, "She looks like a little papoose." Indeed she does. Black hair, soft as the velvet noses of my horses, smooth, soft chocolate skin..oh baby.

I looked in my Indian totem book tonight.
Here's a bit about Hummingbird and its messages..
Hummingbird, joyful little sister, nectar you crave! All the sweetness of the flowers, is the love you gave.
(Holding her brought joy to me immeasurable!)

Hummingbird feathers open the heart. Without an open and loving heart, you can never taste the nectar and pure bliss of life. Life is a wonderland of delight--darting from one flower to another, tasting the essences, and radiating the colors. Hummingbird's mission is to spread joy or be destroyed. Follow Sister Hummingbird and hyou will soon be filled with paraoxyms of joy and experience a renewal of the magic of living.

Skylar is the first born girl grandchild, the first SISTER. Oh my. And she is love.

Then today, I saw a fawn be birthed just outside my back door. Saw mama licking it clean and the fawn struggle up on wobbly legs. I stood in awe. I have many deer who sleep in my back woods. I have been here for 26 years. They know the property will stay natural, with their pathways created by them, and their sleeping spots left undisturbed. And occasionally a tasty apple appears along with other flora and fauna to their liking.

It was a first, seeing this moment of magic and as always, happenstance. I just happened to be downstairs and look out. I will always remember these moments. They are the elixir of my life.

I am blessed and awakened.

Just me, that's all

Well, my friends write blogs for their kids or a real newspaper or their far away lovers and fans. Me? I just write cause it's how I've always cleared the thoughts that linger so I can sleep without them banging against my brain.

Mom's 80th birthday today. She looks great and I'm here to have the time with her and so excited to plan her birthday surprises. Friend, who is like a second daughter to her, flew in from England. Took three months to pay for a personally designed emerald ring, her birthstone and the ring she's always wanted, an emerald. Beautiful, changing colors, faceted stone from South America. Brushed gold setting. Tiny as her fingers are so very small.

Lunch at a private setting. Quiet and nice. Tomato plant, flowering plant, balloon, handmade custard filled chocolate cake...

Mom cannot help but say: "You eat too fast. You did waay too much. You shouldn't do that. The food is too expensive. Oh well, you'll have the ring when I die in a couple years." You get the picture.

She doesn't mean it. I love her so. It used to put me in tears. Now I end up laughing because I know who she is and what to expect and I do what I feel in my heart anyways...I want to give to her like she did me for all my life...when I was young and she was less critical and more naturally loving. I was small...afterall.

So, good day because I've grown and can take it for what it is.

And my friend is here from overseas. And that's nice.
And my new doggie bed came today and is in the bay window awaiting the arrival of my baby pup in a few weeks.

Life is. And I love it.

And I'm in it.

And I am blessed and appreciative.

Write Everyday

Well, it's a gloomy, overcast kind of day. Perfect for reflecting, reading, writing. Going to the opening of the keyboard fest tonight and looking forward to that. So miss having a piano. Would have to have a crane to get it upstairs in my house and cannot afford a baby grand right now.

Think I found a Border Collie to rescue named Sheah. Have applied and will know in a couple weeks. I soo miss having a dog to greet me when I come home, lick my face, take walks with, make me laugh, love me without conditions.

My flowering trees this year were so bright as to be called spectacular. Everything is sprouting life from the ground and seeing this rebirthing gives me life energy too.

My mare is fully recovered from her near death due to neglect while  I was away from Montana home to see my mom. It's hard not to be angry at the person who did this to her. But I am trying to learn how to better LET GO of anger. It's a hard thing. Meditation and lovingkindness help some but it is hard to forgive someone who mistreats and animal. He also did not care for my dog, resulting in her tearing a tendon, having to have surgery and ultimately resulting in her death. That too is hard to forgive. How do people live with themselves. Why are they cruel to a helpless animal, watch them suffer and do NOTHING? It's really inexcusable, like not treating a child right. Maybe that's where it comes from. He was abused as a child as well.  Sigh. Reap and sow...

I have been riding every day. That is so exhilerating to me, so peaceful at the same time. To combine those two feelings is unusual and pure gold.

So, that's it for today's random thoughts.

What Dreams May Come

I've been having vivid dreams. It's so strange how in dreams the strangest things seem perfectly normal, like a person who then changes to another person without a pause, like communication without verbal language but telepathic, like being in one place and suddenly another, or being in a familiar place you've never been.

Sometimes I wake in a sweat in the dark of the room. I listen to the sounds of my house, knowing them all by heart as I live alone and it's important if there's sound that isn't "normal", to pay attention. The refrigerator kicks on. The critter living in my walls shifts and I can hear his claws scrape as he turns or whatever he's doing in there. I don't want to know. The clock ticks. The neighbors' son just pulled in the drive. I smoke a cigarette and hope I don't return to the same dream, like a replayed movie or continuing from the moment I left off and woke myself in an attempt to escape the night terror.

They make sense then, in the night's darkness, but in the morning, I wonder, what was that all about? How strange!

I'd like to sleep without waking, just once. I'd like to sleep without dreaming, just once. I'd like to dream of being a dolphin or a horse flying or have happy dreams. I tire of nightmares, both when I'm sleeping and then when I wake, tired from the struggle of the dreams that come without the asking.

Can somebody turn off the subsconscious button?

Thanks much.
Ah, daybreak.

Keep on going?

Every time I get on the highway headed west, I cannot help but think, "I could just keep going and be in Colorado in 22 hours or Wyoming in a bit more. It's so damned tempting. I so adore the mountains and the West and feel so much more at home there. I remember the first time driving out at 17. Drove all night, arrived in Estes Park the next morning and climbed a mountain. Then I went to a pay phone (do those still exist?) and rang my mom and exclaimed, "MOM! I just climbed to the top of a mountain!" I'd never seen a mountain much less climbed one. I was ecstatic.

Of course, no matter where you go there you are, but some places just seem more "at home" than even your first home base. I love my mom and am here for her but yeah, I do wanna move out West again. Hopefully there will be time and I won't get dusted before that. What a happy thought...I amuse myself sometimes.

Been riding every day and oh, how I love the feeling. It is simply my bliss. Everything is right with the world and my mind quiets when I'm out there in the woods. Now if there were just mountains...

I spose I could be happy and stop wishing for what I don't have at the MOMENT.

I am glad to be alive and well. Right now. That's the only thing we have. I try to pay attention.

In other words, wake up! Pay attention. Be grateful for everyday blessings. Big girls don't cry...etc.

It's a good day...it hasn't started to rain, yet. Smile.

Feeling Connected

Just had friends drive 36 hours from Idaho to pick up stuff that I had stored for them when their mom died. Friends I've known since I was 16 but have only seen twice since then. Such a great uplifting, fun visit. We ate pecan encrusted trout, listened to some horn and guitar, drank some champagne, shared old stories and new, looked at pictures of their recent trip to South America, took a nap with doors and windows open, worked outside together, shared gifts, all kinds both material and non. Doesn't matter how often you see real friends. The connection immediately and without awkwardness or effort is present. So encouraging and special.

So then though, I said, "Let's call....so and so." Another friend from the old days. Got message on cell. Left message and had friend from Idaho leave message. Then get an angry call the next morning because friend's boyfriend freaked out because a guy left a message on her phone. WTF. We are not in HS anymore. And we have a past and friends and he's been married for 30 years, happily, and get over yourself and your insecurity. I would have said that but she hung up after asking what would possess me to have this mutual friend leave a message on her phone, blah, blah...oh, maybe cause we were thinking of you and wanted to surprise you and sorry about your stupid boyfriend's insecurity and immature controlling relationship. I forgot about that I guess. Jeeez. What is wrong with these people?  The energy is all negative and backwards. Gack.

Why would you live your life that way? I just could not. Part of why I'm on my own. More ease...
Course if I could meet an adult person who knows who they are and loves to love and not wallow in silly games, it might be different and lovely. And I'd have someone to do the heavy lifting. I'm hurting today from trying to use too much brawn...but I had to git her done! Trailer is clean, sub pump fixed, water sucked out of basement and dumped bucket by bucket up the stairs, and my ding back hurts. Wah, wah. Sometimes it'd be nice to have a man around the house....