Blog Bliss

I haven't been writing regularly. I think when I started noticing my posts not being so happy, I didn't want to spew.

And I get busy with life.

I had a musician friend I've known for 10 years come visit from Australia. Had a gathering and he played beautiful guitar and sang. He was JUST as I imagined him. Remarkable. Witty, talented, warm, easy to have around, giving, loving...a real friend. And we only connected online...for 10 years. He worked with some of my online students. I edited his dissertation. We exchanged and stayed connected. Through a marriage and divorce, children being born and learning to walk, moving and changing, and still connected through these wires and now in real time. Amazing. Nice. Bonus. Happy memories and more to come.

Now I am getting ready for my friend from England to come for Thanksgiving. She is the only "sister" I have ever had. Adopted. Friend sister. But family. Trust her with my life. Only see her once or twice a year if that.

Have been polishing silver, making placecards, setting the table, hanging shiny pretty lights as we will share our Christmas together so we don't have to mail international. It's gotten exorbitant...out of reach.

She makes the best cup of tea ever. Something about her making it...tastes totally different and gorgeous...ahh....

Anyways, spose to snow on Thanksgiving and I adore the FIRST snowfall. It makes me as excited as when I was a kid...still. "LOOK! It's SNOWING." And the world turns white and fresh and the air is cold and pure and my horses get fuzzy and warm to ride bareback. The woods go quiet.

I am happy.

I am alive.

I am blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving all, and happy every day.

Autumn raking and riding

colors at sunset out my back door

My truck and trailer, 52' long and I can lock, load, drive and fix it!

Last week I rode my horses from Lake Michigan to Lake Huron on the Michigan Trail Rider's fall color tour.I am never happier than when I am a-horseback in the middle of nowhere especially in autumn when the stroke of nature's hand has painted the trees in flaming colors.


Avoided many potential train wrecks along the way. Took a girlfriend who is a girlie girl and of no help. First night I realized I had forgotten my down blanket and it was 14 degrees. B with a shitload of rrrr's. Donned most of my warmest clothes and slept with the pup, Rodeo, between us. Still more than cold. Bucket water frozen solid. Malfunctioning water heater on trailer which I managed to fix myself by reconnecting a wire in that tangled mess under the cabinet. I am, as an understatement, a mechanical moron, but necessity is the mother of invention and I had at it and actually fixed it, a true blessing, that warm water and heat.

Then in the middle of the night, I checked on horses on picket line. Chance had managed to wrap the lead line around his BACK hoof and had pulled quick release knot so tightly I had to cut it to release him. He was standing frozen in place, thankfully. I wonder if he wasn't going into shock from cold and fear or if he just knew he was hobbled. I always sleep with one eye open or some back of the mind thought to check horses in the middle of the night. They usually look at me like, "why are you shining that bright light in our faces? We're just standin here." But sometimes not and this was one of those times.

WHAT?

stopping for a drink

I'm good for a one dog night...

I can ride both horses bareback again and that's another real big thing to me. Gracie, she's just plain dependable, but Chance has been a challenge. Now, I'm comfortable and we've gained our trust in one another. Riding bareback allows me to connect in a completely different way with my horses. The motion of their muscles, their reactions, their warmth, their power, their stride...their reactions..it's a feeling of being more in tune and rhythm with them, and an ultimate trust and a learning of balance and motion.

After riding yesterday, followed by hot thai chicken pasta and hot chai tea, I went out to rake leaves. Yes, rake. Don't like noisy blowers and it's good exercise, a free gym and a meditative activity. The leaves were twirling down, swaying  like tiny colored boats on waves of air, covering the ground as fast as I could clear them. The raking is repetitive work, stroke, stroke, stroke into piles. Each leaf is different in pattern and color and I become a child wanting to collect and press and save them all. It is akin to chop wood, carry water. And i find it joyful, not a chore.

Today I am hacking as i have been ill and overdid yesterday as it was the first day in many i was well enough to have the energy to get out of the house...and so I rode and raked and loved the day.

Today I can rest...for awhile. Then I must live!

it's grand to be alive...and partially well at least.

Me Time..

I find I cannot live without my own time to myself to do whatever I please, without having to engage with anyone or deal with anyone else's issues or be obligated. Just time to be quiet or ride my horse through the woods and listen to nature. The wind speaks through the trees. The horses whinny back and forth. The birds have calls I can distinguish one from another. The fox are stealthy. The deer are day sleeping in to escape the heat. I ride and then shower and then read and then cook and then nap sometimes or garden or write or whatever I please. I like being on my own. I get irritable when I have company too often or for too long. I want them to go home and take their little dog too. My puppy needs her time right now without interference or other dogs around to distract. Bringing a dog over to visit and for a "play date" is one thing. Bringing a dog over for two days and nights and a dog who shits on the floor is another. Get out.

It's hot and I'm irritable and glad to be here on my own right now. I need to rethink some things. Why do relationships have to get so complicated? Why can't it just be fun and not so serious. I mean, really!

We're grown....and we have lives of our own and do NOT have to be attached at the hip all the time.

Phew. Glad I got that out.

Teaching and learning naturally

Rodeo continues to learn through every moment, ever present and intent. The teaching is playful, sometimes stern but only in tone of voice and well understood. I introduce her to new things. Fetch and drop can be distinguished between tug of war. Stay and "it's ok" are familiar and known words. "I see you" said in an uplifting tone gets a tail wagging bouncing pouncing come hither response...and laughter from me. She thrives on attention. She is learning her "house" is not such a bad place though not her favorite. She likes the cold dark of my long bathroom, the cool tile to stretch out on. Still have to crate her now and again though if gone riding or for an extended amount of time. Don't yet trust her with cords, though she's learning plants and cords and such are a definite "NO", to which she immediately responds with ears back and tail down and ok then!

She's a joy. She lays in the yard while I pull weeds though is still too timid to follow to mailbox at end of drive..which is a good thing. Cars and street.

Teaching to me is joyful, easy, and natural. It is the same with children. Set boundaries. Be consistent. Be loving and attentive,. Pay attention. Establish trust and relationship. Take the time. Learn and teach seamlessly.

Anyways, it's good fun.

Mostly she brings laughter and love every day...and who doesn't need that?

Puppies and summer storms

So, I finally got my puppy, Rodeo, an English Shepherd, named by 3 year old little girl, Adela Rose. She is the smartest dog I've ever owned and I've owned dogs since I left home at 16. They've all been great dogs, but this one is sooo bright....she's only been here 3 days and knows come, sit, stay, kennel up, more. And she has puppy breath and soft, soft fur and kisses.

I've also had the pleasure of teaching 3 little girls to ride in the last few weeks. They all can now steer and ride bareback on their own....at a trot. Their faces? Priceless. My joy, insurmountable. Never able to have my own children. Love children and animals most of all. The sheer essence of them is pure joy...and wide eyes.

It makes me so happy to be alive.

Tornadoes and storms have been ripping through the area. It's a crap shoot nearly every day. But so far, so good. Like storms if they don't turn to tornadoes. Afterall, who needs tornadoes???

Nothin else really matters..I've been getting things done around here and teaching my pup and just livin and loving. That's what matters.

Spillage

Deleted last posting. Simply spillage over the edges and too raw and private. Things are good. As good as it gets I think. Get my new pup, Rodeo tomorrow. English Shepherd. Looking forward to training. Lots of work but rewarding and dogs are great companions. Smoking less...near to quitting. Time will come.

Summertime. Wish I could garden but hand won't allow.

Fun with kids and horses and this and that.

I Like Living

So, went to Mayo Clinic and had a whole battery of tests done and they say I'm in EXCELLENT health exccept for smoking which will imminently and quickly lead to heart attack if I don't stop. No wiggle room, says the doc. So, I have on a patch and am quitting. I'm determined this time. I want to smoke but I don't want to die young, so there you go. Still, it's very annoying at the moment. Am sequestered until I get over the intial anger, frustration, denial, temptations, etc. Gack.

Otherwise, life is good. Mom and I have become The Bickersons. Staying with her in a hotel room for 4 days was well, a bit trying though we laughed about it at the end of the day. She has some major issues, which one does at 80. She's really pretty good but that's not her attitude nor perception of it. I just listen and take deep breaths. She gives me LOTS of advice...well intentioned but as if I was born a couple hours ago.

Went to go riding today and as soon as I got there it started pouring rain. 10 minutes after I got all the way back home, it stopped. Of course it did.

I'm irritable and am going to take a nap now.

It will pass.

Going to Arizona to meet with friends in the fall..to my favorite Apache Lake.

Something to look forward to.

Anybody out there??
Besides hackers?

Some summer fun..

I haven't been on in awhile. Somebody from China has been hacking in and posting flippin porn sites on my blog. Sorry, I have a REAL life and you should get one too. Stay outta my space....

Hot fun in the sum rtime. Been blue blazes here but flowers are in full bloom and birds and deer and bunnies are all havin their babies. New life everywhere and the cacophony of song and breezes playing through the leaves. Wake in the mornings to song and light.

Horses are happily swishing their tails and grazing and love riding out into the woods. I feel my body relax as I breathe and feel their muscles as they loosen. Then off to a canter with red tails and deer flying alongside down the fruit belt, speed increasing each time I make the kiss-kiss sound. I so adore the feeling of it.

Looking forward to going out in my horsey Hilton soon. Have to take my mother to Mayo Clinic first...hopefully all will turn out well there. I don't do doctors but while there will  have them do a thorough once over. Never done that. Guess I'm interested to see how my body is faring at 53. I feel grand. T'is why I don't do doctors. They tell you what's wrong. What you don't know I guess can hurt you but hasn't so far.

Meanwhile, I'll enjoy being happy and alive and off to ride.

Do you believe in MAGIC?

Nature teaches. Yesterday I was at a gathering to celebrate two friends' birthdays and the birth of a wee little girl who looks like a papoose and her mother shines as she looks at her. When I first met the little girl, Skylar, weeks old, she was sleeping on her side, tiny fist curled up to her face. I had her mother lean down next to her and took their picture. It was magic.

Later, I walked outside to get some air, and yeah, smoke, and I like going outside to smoke. It's a way to the quiet. As I sat there, my first sighting of a hummingbird occurred in the red petunia plant I had given the grandmother of this baby.

I announced this excitedly. Others looked at me like Ohhhh---kay. A hummingbird. Uh huh.

Well, I know it was a sign.

When the Skylar's grandmother first saw the infant be born she said, "She looks like a little papoose." Indeed she does. Black hair, soft as the velvet noses of my horses, smooth, soft chocolate skin..oh baby.

I looked in my Indian totem book tonight.
Here's a bit about Hummingbird and its messages..
Hummingbird, joyful little sister, nectar you crave! All the sweetness of the flowers, is the love you gave.
(Holding her brought joy to me immeasurable!)

Hummingbird feathers open the heart. Without an open and loving heart, you can never taste the nectar and pure bliss of life. Life is a wonderland of delight--darting from one flower to another, tasting the essences, and radiating the colors. Hummingbird's mission is to spread joy or be destroyed. Follow Sister Hummingbird and hyou will soon be filled with paraoxyms of joy and experience a renewal of the magic of living.

Skylar is the first born girl grandchild, the first SISTER. Oh my. And she is love.

Then today, I saw a fawn be birthed just outside my back door. Saw mama licking it clean and the fawn struggle up on wobbly legs. I stood in awe. I have many deer who sleep in my back woods. I have been here for 26 years. They know the property will stay natural, with their pathways created by them, and their sleeping spots left undisturbed. And occasionally a tasty apple appears along with other flora and fauna to their liking.

It was a first, seeing this moment of magic and as always, happenstance. I just happened to be downstairs and look out. I will always remember these moments. They are the elixir of my life.

I am blessed and awakened.

Just me, that's all

Well, my friends write blogs for their kids or a real newspaper or their far away lovers and fans. Me? I just write cause it's how I've always cleared the thoughts that linger so I can sleep without them banging against my brain.

Mom's 80th birthday today. She looks great and I'm here to have the time with her and so excited to plan her birthday surprises. Friend, who is like a second daughter to her, flew in from England. Took three months to pay for a personally designed emerald ring, her birthstone and the ring she's always wanted, an emerald. Beautiful, changing colors, faceted stone from South America. Brushed gold setting. Tiny as her fingers are so very small.

Lunch at a private setting. Quiet and nice. Tomato plant, flowering plant, balloon, handmade custard filled chocolate cake...

Mom cannot help but say: "You eat too fast. You did waay too much. You shouldn't do that. The food is too expensive. Oh well, you'll have the ring when I die in a couple years." You get the picture.

She doesn't mean it. I love her so. It used to put me in tears. Now I end up laughing because I know who she is and what to expect and I do what I feel in my heart anyways...I want to give to her like she did me for all my life...when I was young and she was less critical and more naturally loving. I was small...afterall.

So, good day because I've grown and can take it for what it is.

And my friend is here from overseas. And that's nice.
And my new doggie bed came today and is in the bay window awaiting the arrival of my baby pup in a few weeks.

Life is. And I love it.

And I'm in it.

And I am blessed and appreciative.